Endure

Endure.  My great uncle wrote us a letter that made me ponder the significance of this word.  He said that whenever we think we've reached the end of what we can endure, we always go further.  We endure so much more than we think we can throughout our lives.  In thinking about that, it encourages me to get past this mental block I'm in.  I feel like the last few days, we've been stuck trying to figure out what is causing Caleb's oxygen saturations to drop below the preferred range.  When I say stuck, I mean trying different approaches, tests, waiting, then retesting, and then trying something else, then doing all this again, as nothing has made improvement.  This is so frustrating to watch, as I'm SO ready to get us home; however, it just seems to be going slower and slower.  I have moments of sadness, jealousy of the world that is going on outside my "confinement", and fear.  I wonder how much more I can stand (endure) of missing the kids' everyday lives, their activities, including Jake's 1st All Star game tonight;  of staring out my window into a gorgeous view- of another building!-- although it was slightly exciting when I saw men repelling to clean the windows the other day.  The worry that if I walk out for anything (even restroom), he's going to start crying and then his sats will drop.  Feeling like you have to watch everyone's move to make sure he isn't picked up wrong- scoop, not under his arms.  Hearing the constant beeping of the moniters  (and I mean constant-  every time he desats it goes off.)  Changing his diaper and trying to keep his leads from falling in it, or worse, that anything gets near his pic line dressings.  As I type this, I realize that everything I'm complaining about could be so much worse, and that I should be grateful for that.  I know that it is true that we can always endure more, and the fact is, we will surely have to.  God will get us through this.  As He tells us in 1 Corinthians 13: 7,  love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

So proud of Jake on the All Star Team!

Guys repelling down building!