Sneaking Home for a Night

Warning, this is a venting post.  I escaped last night with Zack to stay home for the first time in 2 weeks.  Caleb had a great day and the night was to be a very calm night with CPap testings.  I was thrilled to surprise the kiddos and sleep in a real bed rather than a pull out chair.  It was wonderful to get to go through the "normal" weeknight routine of feeding, bathing, bedtime, laundry, and getting them ready for the next day.  They all wanted me to lay down with them and snuggle, to which I wanted to just never get up from!  Sweet Bo didn't leave my side for anything and kept repeating "my Mommy" OVER and OVER.  He would even sit right beside me and attempt to climb in my lap as I pumped!  This morning was very, very hard for me.  I couldn't wait to get back up to the hospital; however, leaving the house just hurt.  I got great big hugs from all of the kiddos and Bo had to be pealed off me.  Zack said he was fine within a few minutes, but my heart just ached for him.  As I drove out of the neighborhood and saw friends going about their daily routines, I just longed for our "old normal".  It is so, so hard to think about having a new baby that I've only held 2 times in over 2 weeks for a total of a few minutes... and not knowing how long this will be, or how he'll do today/ tomorrow/ next week.  I miss my kids, my grocery runs, hugs, dirty hands, not being so insanely crazy over germs/ sick friends. It is so hard to not get upset and truly get mad.  I am a mom that is obsessed with my children.  They are my life and to have to turn 4 over while I stay at the hospital just is tugging at me.   I am honestly trying to stay positive and think how grateful I am for the moments when Caleb looks up at me, and for sleeping at home last night (and that Bo woke up in the middle of the night and came and snuggled with me-- sorry, all that are helping care for them, I will spoil them when I'm around!)  :o),  for the grandparents, aunts, and uncles that have paused their lives to help us, for the friends and neighbors that have kept the kids, made amazing meals, snacks, and yard work so that Zack and I can have some relief.  As I am having this moment, I think God is nudging me to get down on my knees and see all these positives and happy moments and thank Him for them, as well as a reminder to PRAY for everything.
One more big thing to praise God for-- Jake had his annual cardiologist appointment yesterday.  He did great, thanks to a super friend that helped by bringing him to the hospital, distracting him by letting him listen to his iPod, and even showing him around the clinic to all of the behind the scenes offices!  Jake loved getting this special treatment and it made the appointment (which he was very anxious about) go great.  The report was super.  The gradient across his aorta has not changed in the past year.  He got some special private time with baby Caleb after the appointment.  Daddy met us up at the hospital and Jake got to eat in the foodcourt and even get ice cream!