A letter written to Caleb from my dear friend Erika, whom I am so blessed to have in my life since that first day we met in freshman high school English!
Dear Caleb,
What a gift you are, sweet buddy! We are so grateful for your life! We love your sweet smile, and are so encouraged by your enduring fight. Though we haven’t yet had the chance to play or to snuggle, we feel like we know you well, because even before you were born you have invited us to pray, and to hope, and to be glad that even as you struggle, God’s promises are true in your life and in the lives of those who love you. You are our favorite missionary, and we wanted to tell you thank you, for even though you can’t yet talk or walk, the story of your healing heart has ushered us all into some healthy perspective on who we are and on who God is, and has also given us a sweet reason to want to be with Him, asking Him to strengthen you with each passing day.
You are a treasure of a baby, who, just like everyone else, by no circumstance of your own, is a victim of the brokenness of the Fall, and yet at the same time, you are covered by the grace of a really good God. Most days as we watch your family suffer alongside you, it is hard to trust that God has something rich for you all in this, but when I talk with your Mommy, it becomes clear that He is moving in the hearts of the people who love you most in ways that are surprising and delightful, and most importantly, in ways that close the gap just a little more between who they are and who God wants them to be.
Your Dad shared with all of us not so long ago the reasons why he and your Mom chose the name Caleb for you. Caleb means “whole-hearted” in Hebrew, and it feels like such a perfect choice for what we might call you, and for what we might all strive for in our own lives as well. Last week as my family prayed for your upcoming surgery around our breakfast table, our Daddy used the story of your namesake Caleb to help teach our kids about having courage to face our giants (which is something you have had to do your whole life). The twelve spies (who were, in our version of the story, very small Lego men) went to scout out Canaan, the land that God had promised them that was flowing with milk and honey (also in abundance at the table). When the spies got there, they were amazed! Even the grapes were huge! Unfortunately, the people were also huge--Giants! (Cast by some of our other favorite, larger toys hanging out close by). The Giants made the spies feel like grasshoppers, and they were afraid. They came home and told Moses what they had found, and they grumbled and complained to God and each other, even though God had already promised them the land. God asked them, “How long will you refuse to trust me? And with all these signs I have done among you!?”
And then God says of Caleb, willing to follow Him and face the Giants, “But my servant Caleb---this is a DIFFERENT story. He has a DIFFERENT spirit. He follows me passionately. I’ll bring him into the land that he scouted and his children will inherit it.” (Numbers 14: 24)
We all feel like grasshoppers sometimes. The truth of the matter is, it doesn’t take much to make a grasshopper feel small. But the bottom line is, we belong to the Lord. You, Caleb Daniel, have reminded us to remind each other of that Truth. God has begun a good work in you (and in all of us!) and promises to complete it. You remind us to be aware of the giants, to be big (whole-hearted), and to believe that God is good!
As I talk with your Mommy on the phone while she holds you, loving every minute of that and yet missing your brothers and Kate and your Daddy at home, she tells me all the time that she just doesn’t want any of this journey to be wasted. She walks with you, expectantly, trusting God to heal you, and also hoping that your family will know Him better because of your story. She gets overwhelmed about how to actually help that happen for your family, but maybe just like Caleb in scripture, all she can do is to know the giants are there, to remember to be big (she will do what she can to be a godly parent for all 5 of you), and to believe. She can’t be Jesus, but she sure can need Him, and as your family and friends watch her NEED Him every single day, her witness points strongly in the direction of Christ, those who are watching see that, and as she lives out her need for Him, she reminds us all of some timeless truths.
Sweet Caleb, as your Glenn surgery becomes more necessary and more immediate because of how your body is growing, we pray that the Lord will work, using the doctors’ steady, capable hands and brilliant minds, to reconstruct your heart. We are cheering for you as you battle, most of the time with that classic, beautiful smile on your face, and we give thanks to God that one day all the things that are sad and scary will be untrue. Until then, your family is doing an amazing job reminding us to trust that as God does good work in you, little man, He is at work in all of us. He promises.
We love you. Thank you for inviting my children to pray for you every single day. Your heart is on our hearts, and our hearts are made just a little more into His likeness because your heart leads us there. Face that next giant, Caleb! We are all cheering for you to be big and be whole! Thanks so much for being such a powerful instrument of truth in this world…
With love from a grasshopper made a little more courageous because of you,
Erika (for all of the Shapiros)
